Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
