He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize