He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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