If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
