college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she pinky promised me she was 18
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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