I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
