I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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