stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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