somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
