You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
