I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
