i was born a porn star she said
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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