don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
