3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm going to jail i love you
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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