Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
