Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
