Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
