He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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