I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
