you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
