My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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