I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He passed out mid-signature
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
