What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
