I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
