I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
