i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
