Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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