so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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