yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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