I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
