I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
