woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
