is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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