You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
