Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
