she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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