and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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