I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
