I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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