Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Randomize
