There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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