whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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