FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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