I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
