I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
