I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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