I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize