I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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