Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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