The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My penis needs a shock collar
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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