you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
