theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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