Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
