i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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