I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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