dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
