wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
