my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
