If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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