Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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