it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
