we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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