can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
