I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
