Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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