I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We have started to decorate penises.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
