That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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