Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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