I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
