were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
