how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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