the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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