her vagine was all disorganized.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Boobs speak an international language.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
