And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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