he wants to bone in the snuggie
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
