dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
