He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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