The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Randomize
