conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
