I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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