I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm always down for nudity.
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