I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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