your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
